Rich and Lynn's history

Alternate post title: "What the heck were you doing having a sleep over at Lynn’s house while Jim was away?"

Some of my stories about Lynn probably don't make too much sense if you don't know our history together. So for all my faithful readers here's a brief history of Lynn in my life:

I first met Lynn in the fall of 2000 at the University of Hawaii. I was getting my masters degree in Computer Science. She was in her final year getting her B.S. in computer science. She was in a couple of my graduate level courses. She is really smart and was accepted to Stanford and CalTech – but her parents were unable to afford the tuition. She ended up at UH.

We ended up studying together and found a number of shared interests – one being good wine. I had a girlfriend at the time, who would drink a glass of white zinfandel from time to time. Back then Lynn was dating a football player, huge guy, great body, good looker, but not too sophisticated. I’m pretty sure she wasn’t dating him for his stimulating intellect. His idea of a classy drink was Coors Light in an iced mug.

Both Lynn and I were living in the same apartment building near campus. We studied a lot together. We would share a bottle of good wine after studying, or go out to wine bars together from time to time. It was totally platonic. Although, I do need to admit that I did find her attractive. I think most guys would. She is, well, drop dead gorgeous. But I also thought she was out of my league and we were both involved with other people, so I never made a move. We did develop a real friendship – one that has endured for a lot of years.

She dumped football player guy, and replaced him with this older guy – who worked for a bank. He was attractive and drove a Porsche (something almost no one on campus could compete with) and seemed to me a better fit for her. She worked part time as a teller in a bank all through college. I think she dated a number of guys from the bank before football player guy.

In the spring of 2001, she graduated and moved to silicon valley to find a job. We kept in touch through e-mail and stuff.

In the spring of 2002, I graduated with my masters. I had a job lined up at a big technology company (you have heard of them) in silicon valley. When I moved up I stayed at Lynn’s place for a couple of weeks while I looked for an apartment and such. She had a small apartment and I slept on the couch. She was casually dating a guy at the time.

About a year later (September 2003) I was driving down El Camino Real, a 6 lane main drag that runs up the peninsula from Sunnyvale up to South San Francisco. A drunk driver in a big old Ford pickup truck crossed the center line and totaled the sub compact car I was driving. I remember a loud crash and flash of light. Next thing I knew, I was in an ambulance and my left arm was in excruciating pain (worse than anything I have experienced before or since).

The police towed my car from the scene of the accident to an impound lot. A couple weeks later I went to retrieve it. At the time of the accident I was going about 40. The police estimated that the truck coming the other way was doing at least 80, maybe 100. The rate of closure was between 120 and 140 MPH. The accident had ripped the front left wheel off my car and the driver’s door was gone. When I saw the car in the impound lot I realized how lucky I was to be alive. A foot further over the line and I wouldn’t be here. I ended up just signing the title over to the towing company – the towing and storage charges were more than the (now 3 wheeled) car was worth.

My left arm was shattered in the accident. The doctors came very close to amputating at the shoulder- thank god they didn't. It took several operations and a bunch of implanted hardware to fix it. Lynn picked me up from the hospital and took me to her apartment. I had no family in the area, really no one to take care of me. She took me in for a month. For the first couple of weeks I was doped up on vicodin most of the time, and was basically unable to function. For the next five months I was over at her apartment – or she was at mine - quite a bit of the time. She was dating a guy at the time. I believe that she broke up with him as a result of all the time that she was spending with me.

Looking back, that was probably the only time that we were both available, and not separated by an ocean. But I was not in any condition to do any courting. Even after I got the casts and restraints off, I was in physical therapy for 2 years with a gimpy left arm.

Before the cast was off my arm, she started an affair with a married man (yes, what a mess – I couldn’t believe that she did that). He promised her that he would divorce his wife and get together with her. I tried to tell her that this was such a bad idea. She didn’t listen. Ultimately, he did get a divorce (which surprised me). He asked Lynn to marry him (which surprised me) and she said yes (which really surprised me). It was Jim. They bought a townhouse together. One day they will be married. (Although, I do remind her that when she says “I do” she will become a step grandma!!)

Jim was around when I was recuperating from the accident, and he sort of accepted me as a fixture in Lynn’s life. Once I had the use of my arm back, I did a lot of cooking for them. Jim was a very beginner windsurfer and I taught him a lot of advanced techniques and went windsurfing with him a bunch. He was kind of a jerk, but I put up with him since Lynn was in love with him, and I felt I owed her a lot.

It was pretty common for me to spend the night at Lynn and Jim’s house on the weekends. Jim and I would go windsurfing during the day, and either Lynn or I would cook dinner. We would drink in the evening. After the accident I have been a lot more reluctant to drive after having more than one drink – so I stay put where I’m drinking. I always ask before hand if my hosts will accommodate me. I don’t get falling down or throwing up drunk, but I’m not going take the chance of plowing into someone like what happened to me.

When staying over at someone’s house, the next morning I will usually make breakfast for them. I was over at Lynn and Jim’s house so much that one of them (maybe both) started buying buttermilk and fresh oranges on nights that I was planning to be over. I would make buttermilk pancakes from scratch with fresh squeezed orange juice. The arrangement seemed to work pretty well.

Soon after getting out of my cast, I started dating Sarah – a girl from Hawaii who was living in Fremont. I fell totally in love with her. Of course, as things got more serious with Sarah, I ended up spending more time with her than over at Lynn’s – but the 4 of us would often go out socially together. Eventually, I asked Sarah to marry me during a vacation to Hawaii. On the beach – it was so romantic – if I don’t say so myself. We were engaged for about 9 months. We spent a lot of time planning a huge wedding. I worked with her mother and caterers and florists and on and on… Two days before the wedding (June ’08), Sarah called it all off and disappeared from my life. I was heartbroken. We had been together for about 4 years.

I needed a shoulder to cry on. Lynn provided that shoulder (and sometimes Maurizio did, too). I did a lot of alcohol abuse getting over Sarah. So I brought really good wines – and scotches and all manner of booze - to Jim and Lynn’s house and we drank them and I cried and they listened (hey, it's cheaper than therapy) then I would crash in their guest bedroom. It sort of got to be a routine.

Just before Christmas, after work, I stupidly put the moves on Lynn – actually I just kissed her. It seemed like a good idea at the time. I’m not sure why I decided to do it then. I’ve kissed her before – you know, like you kiss your grandmother, a peck on the cheek. I’ve given her hugs as she goes off on a vacation when I drop her at the airport. But this was (as Maurizio puts it) a "real spit swapping kinda kiss". It seemed like she wanted to be kissed, you know? (or maybe that’s just hormones talking)

Frankly, I surprised myself when I did it. I’m sure I surprised her. But she kissed back. I mean, she really did. I though we might get together. But she has since made it clear that she is staying with Jim – I guess that will remain one of life’s mysteries.

Last week, I went to visit her with the intent of drinking and eating and sleeping over. While Jim was away. I knew what I was doing. But before going over I decided that I was not going to do anything with her in Jim’s house (yeah, it’s her house, too) but that seemed wrong. Of course, I made that decision in the cold sober light of day. With a bottle of champagne down, some sexy jazz in the background and a beautiful girl in the foreground – well, she probably could have had her way with me if she wanted to. I’m weak.

With that said, it would be temping fate to repeat this. So I’m not going to. I’m going to miss hanging out with them (well her). We’ll limit things to lunches and group dinners – things that are “safe”.

2 minutes after I kissed her, I knew it was a bad idea. I knew it would muck things up.

I love her. She nursed me back to health physically and emotionally. And I love her for that. And she’s always been there to take care of me – she’s a good friend who has stuck with me through good times and bad. And I love her for that, too.

And I can’t have her.

And that sucks.

But I still have her as a friend – which is priceless.

Don’t kiss your friends.