I wrote this yesterday. I decided not to post it. It's angry and unpleasant - but, here it is:
I was feeling sorry for myself, and feeling sorry for Lynn - even if she wasn't feeling sorry for herself - last night. There was a steady drizzle falling.
I went down to Santana Row, a shopping/eating street in San Jose. Normally on a night like tonight I would grab a bottle of wine or two and head over to Lynn and Jim's house and hang out with them. Based on what happened, I didn't think that would have been was such a good idea.
I ended up at the "Left Bank" restaurant, a Disney like interpretation of the French Bistro. They have a lot of good scotches and wines by the glass. And their food is pretty damn good. I come here often, but not enough to be recognized by the staff.
You know, there are way too many beautiful young women with fat bald old guys who wear cowboy boots. Why? WTF? I have a full head of hair. I'm lean. I'm young (well, OK, I shouldn't rag on the old part, since I'm creeping up on middle-aged - but still) I'm alone. And these shits are with total babes. Is this something new? Or am I just noticing this now?
I will never understand women. What do you want?
As I was sitting there drinking my wine, I noticed this gorgeous woman come into the bar and sit down alone at a table. She ordered a glass of red wine. She did not have a ring on her left hand. I want to go over and sit with her, and buy her a drink, or a small automobile, or perhaps a condo. I decided to gather my courage - I was in a bar - perhaps some 80 proof courage would work. The barkeep was warming brandy snifters and before pouring cognac into them (good man) - that would do.
And then he came. He sat with her. They put their heads close together. She smiled. There was an intimacy. She was expecting him. He ordered a bottle of wine to share. They looked in each other's eyes. They laughed together.
Well, that would have been awkward.
He was at least 250 pounds. He had the most god awful comb-over. He was at least 55. He was a caricature of a toad.
I don't know why I'm so unhappy. I just need to go to costco, buy a forklift load of twinkies. Shave my head and wait till I get old. The babes will be climbing all over me.
It's not that I think that only the beautiful should be in love. I have nothing against toad-man in the restaurant. I'm sure he deserves his beautiful partner. I just think Jim doesn't deserve his beautiful partner. And it's skewing my view of the world.
Is my frustration showing?
I'm mad at Jim for hitting her. I'm mad at her for not leaving Jim. And - I'm a little hurt - that she'd rather have a guy who hits her than me. But, I know, it's not all about me. In fact, for now, it's not even a little about me. I'm sad that someone I love is probably going to get hurt and there's nothing that I can do about it.
P.S. If you were eating, I'm really sorry for the disturbing image. That's just gross. But I came across it an knew it was right for this post.
Sorry, readers, the next post will be happy.
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8 comments:
Aw, Rich. That picture is just disgusting. Please tell me that you didn't take that, and please tell me you never visited a website that has that picture. Dude, gross!
Is every girl in your universe pretty?
Maurizio, uh - yeah. I'll pull it
Anon, most women are beautiful.
maybe women don't primarily use physical attractiveness to choose a partner. which speaks to their superior sensibilities.
As a woman, it is hard to say what I do want in a relationship or a significant other. It is far easier to say what I definitely don't want. It is so confusing. I am on the journey of really finding myself and my self worth so that I don't keep falling for losers (like Lynn has). This is the hardest thing I have had to do.
I think a lot of women are on the same boat and wonder why they can't find a good man. We forget or ignore the fact that it has to do with how much we value ourselsves and what we think we deserve. I kept thinking that the loser I was married to was the best man I could ever possible have. Some women really feel this way. I hope this makes sense. If not, sorry! The best thing you can do for Lynn is buy the book Petunia recommended. It is an eye opener.
Anon, PhD in Psychology? You're probably right on both points.
Violet, I guess of women can't figure out what they want, then I won't feel so bad if I can't either. Thanks.
IMO, you have every right to be pissed. It is incredibly frustrating to watch someone you love pretty much self destruct.
FWIW, she's probably asking herself some very hard questions right now, and I would bet 100 to 1 she's asking herself why she would up with that asshole instead of you. BTDT.
Again, if you need to chat off blog, holler at a girl.
Arch, Thanks. All I can do is let her know I am here for her - what ever she decides.
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