Shareholder Interest

On Friday the CEO asked me to lunch. Most folks at the company eat in the makeshift kitchen in the office that the company stocks. It’s free to the employees and the company will buy almost anything that you put on a shopping list (smoked salmon and French brie are regularly stocked – but my request for caviar was deemed over the top). Our CEO seems to always goes out for lunch.

We went to Birk’s, a Silicon Valley institution for power lunches. It was clear that they knew him well. They have really good food and it is close to the office.

After some idle chitchat and project status talk, he got to the point.

“So, Rich, you and Kristen have become fairly good friends.”

“Uh, yeah.” I was beginning to get a bit worried about this – but we had not done anything worth worrying about.

“I noticed that on Saturday you came to work with her.”

“Uh, yeah,”

“I also noticed that your car was in the parking lot overnight.”

“Uh, yeah.” Sometimes I’m a brilliant conversationalist. I really wanted to know where he was going with this before I said anything. I usually keep my mouth shut when I’m unsure of things.

“What you do on your own time is none of my business, and I’m not going to intrude on your personal lives. But I do have a responsibility to the investors of the company that we not expose then to any unnecessary liability.”

“OK.”

“Rich, I want you to come to me if you ever feel there is any inappropriate pressure from anyone in management.”

“OK.”

“Rich, do you feel that Kristen has created a hostile work environment for you or has she made any unwanted sexual advances towards you?” He seemed to emphasize the word “unwanted.”

“No not at all.”

“You’re sure about this?”

“Yeah, I’m sure.” I was beginning to wonder if he was wearing a microphone and recording this for his legal team.

“OK, last thing – and I want you to be very clear on this – if that changes, if anyone creates a hostile work environment, or makes any unwanted sexual advances towards you – or anyone else in the company for that matter – I want you to come to me immediately.”

“OK. Sure.” I really wanted to joke, “so that you don’t get left out, right?” but I held my tongue.

“And, Rich," he said taking a more conversational tone, "next time you have a sleepover with Kristen, please try to be a little more discreet. Everyone in the office saw you two arrive together – it wasn’t hard to figure out what happened.” My blood went cold at the word “sleepover” it sounded so inappropriate coming from him. Kind of like a banker excusing himself to go to the “potty” – I know I’m just being paranoid – he couldn’t be reading my blog. No, not possible.

“Sorry, but I didn’t think it was a big deal.” I replied.

“Office romances tend to exacerbate office politics – which hurts morale and productivity. It really helps if fewer people know about it.”

“Um, just for the record – Kristen and I are not in a romantic relationship.”

“Oh?” he asked skeptically – obviously not believing my answer.

“No. She was recently dumped by her boyfriend (I almost said lover) and wanted some company. We had dinner and drinks and complained about our former partners.”

“And you stayed overnight” he said, stating and already established fact, “why?”

“We were drinking, heavily. Driving would not have been a good way to end the night. She has a guest bedroom. Nothing happened”

“I see. I heard about her boyfriend. So this was just an 80 proof bitch session?” He smiled – he looked relieved.

“Yeah. Completely innocent and platonic.”