The bottle of vodka was about one third full. I poured about 8 or 10 ounces into a tumbler (no tiny shot glass for me!) and went to sit out on the back deck. It was a cold and cloudy night out. I sat on the lounge and stared up at the sky. I had just returned home from the airport to drop Sarah off for a flight to
I was planning to be sad and hurt. But, in fact, after I sat down and thought about it, I was happy. I was once loved. And for the first time I wasn’t sad that I had lost. I had had a wonderful weekend. It was sad to see her leave, again. But the sadness passed quickly. I could still smell her on my clothes.
I took a heavy swallow of vodka. (Is drinking alone in the dark a sign of a problem of some sort?) It's weird. I’m in love with Sarah. Yes, I can’t deny this now. But I’m also in love with
But I don’t need to make a choice. Neither woman is available to me. What would I do if both were? How would I decide? Would I want them to share me? No. I know this. I could not ask them to share me. But could I ask one to go away? Could I ask a woman that I love to go away? How would I do that? Truth is, I don’t know what I would do. Somehow, I feel glad that I don’t need to chose.
I don’t choose who I love. It just happens. I’m not planning this. I just live my life.
I sat and contemplated life, as these questions buzzed around my head. I didn’t figure out any answers, but neither did I finish the vodka I poured for myself.
6 comments:
You may be in love with two women but that does not put you in the same category with Lynn. She ACTED on two loves at the same time then turned it into some kind of emotional torchure. If Lynn had asked you "Hey, I want to date two guys and do two guy. How do you feel about sharing everything you see in my life?" then you would have said what you would have said and actecd accordingly from there. She didn't do that. She did something you wouldn't do. Who says we can't be in ,love with two people at the same time? A lot of people are. It's what we do with those dual emotions that count.
I agree with Petunia. Lynn turned that whole thing into her calling all the shots, no matter who it hurt and who it didn't.
IMO, you need to find a female that's over 30. They don't have time for mind games (If you loved me, you'd chase me all over creation!) and quite frankly, are a lot more honest and forthcoming about what they want and can appreciate someone who does things for them.
Ask me how I know! :D
Petunia, I guess I'm just wondering about what I would do if I had to choose. I wouldn't, I couldn't do what Lynn did.
Arch, Hmmm, you think I'd have better luck with the more mature woman. So how do you know?
I know that Sarah should not get married if she didn't feel loved. But, damn, I was stunned and hurt that she couldn't tell me. That was pretty messed up.
ALL people over the age of 30 are a better bet...you included. I don't know what it is about that age...whether it is the end of the extended adolescence that continues into the twenties...or what but, a major change takes place. Boy who think they are men grow up and really become men...girls who think they are so damn cute and smart stop all the BS they do and get a clue. Do not think you have the one until you have turned that birthday. Until that time, you will not really know what you want but you sure will think you do! I know this to be true because I have rounded that base.
Just for the record I'm 34. Lynn just turned 30 - and flipped out. Sarah is 31 - but come to think of it, she ditched me 5 months after turning 30.
Come to think of it maybe there is something magical about turning 30.
See! I told you! Hahaha...well, I might be wrong or you might like complicated females. Either way...continue on!
Post a Comment