“Oh, please” Kristen was at the door to my cubicle. I had been wearing my new clothes from my recent make-over. Before dropping back to my standard jeans and t-shirts I was transitioning though some medium grungy clothes. I was wearing tan dockers and a long sleeve navy polo. “Those clothes are sooo staid. Pleeease tell me that you have a leopard skin G-string on under those.”“Actually, I am wearing…”
“Aaah” she interrupted. She has a habit of doing this. “Don’t tell me. I want to preserve the illusion.”
I was going to tell her that I was wearing “a low rise mesh bikini brief” (a line from a Bill Murray movie) but it was probably best not to say anything. I’m embarrassed to say what I was actually wearing.
She sat down and we talked about work stuff for a while (I won’t bore you). It was about 7:30 at night, but the office was buzzing. Long hours are the rule here.
She finished up with the shop talk and said “You look sad”.
I smiled weakly. “Yeah, I recently lost someone.”
“Oh, I’m sorry, did they.. “ she paused, putting her hand over her mouth, deciding on which euphemism for dead she would use, “pass on?”
“No,” I said almost laughing, “no, nasty break-up. Just heartbroken, that’s all.”
She laughed. “Oh, I don’t mean to make light of it. Were you with her long?”
OK, so here it would sound stupid. Yeah, we were together for 3 weeks and now I’m clinically depressed – I’m psycho! “Uh, I’ve known her since college. We were really close.” That wasn’t technically a lie, but it was misleading.
“Did it just happen?”
“I don’t mind talking about it, but we need to do this over a glass of wine or something.” I was a bit uncomfortable discussing it here at work.
“I know just the place. Let’s go” she said, almost ordering me. We took her Mercedes (top up, it was raining slightly) and went to a wine bar near the office. It was a nice place with a really good selection of wines by the glass. She knew the bartender – we took a table near the bar and she got me a merlot. She had something white.
I started to tell her all about
I think Kristen took an instant dislike of
“No, but she says she likes older men.” Tim is quite a bit older than her, too – but he is probably shy of 40 by a couple years. “She says they are housebroken – they know not to leave the toilet seat up, they pick up after themselves.”
“Sounds like someone should put a leash on her” Kristen said with some bitterness. I was oddly offended by this - I almost protested.
After we had been there for a couple of hours and had a few glasses of wine and enough appetizers to make a decent dinner Paul started to get restless. “We should go.” Kristen said. Paul grabbed her coat and put it on her. She kissed him and sent him on ahead. “I’ll see you at home in a few minutes” she said to him – almost dismissing him.
“So Rich, can you help me pick-up something large?” Kristen asked when Paul was outside. You make a lot of friends when you have a pickup truck.
“Sure, what do you need?”
“I bought Paul a kayak from a shop up in Oakland.”
“What kind?”
She pulled a piece of paper from her purse and read from it “A ‘Boreal Designs Ellesmere Kevlar’ that’s bullet proof, right? In case someone is shooting at him. ‘Kevlar 17-foot touring kayak’”
“Wow, that’s a great boat." (For you non-kayakers, this is a very high-end boat) A bit much for a beginner – but a really nice kayak. "What's the occasion?” This kind of boat needs to be special ordered.
“Nothing, I just wanted to buy him something nice.”
That was amazing. That she would go out and buy him something like that – well she has the money for it. And then I realized it. And I said it, normally I wouldn't but I had a few glasses of wine in me - “He’s a kept man, isn’t he?” I asked. “You… you.. you have a kept man. In your house. Just like a little pet. You just take him out any time you want and, well…”
She looked down and then smiled up at me though a few strands of hair, looking both sheepish and proud at the same time. She actually batted her eyelashes at me.
“I’m impressed” I said. I think she blushed slightly. “I wish I had that.”
“Which?” She asked “To keep someone or be kept?”
“Either.” To have the resources to keep a woman, or to be so sexy as to be wanted to be kept by someone who has achieved so much would be wonderful, I though.
“Really?” She asked.
“Sure.”
“You could be a kept man?”
I thought about it again for a minute. Frankly, if a woman could keep me in the manner in which I would like to become accustomed (like Paul), then, yes, I would really like it. “Yeah, I could.” I said.
She wrinkled her forehead. “Huh.”
I think I lost a few respect points from her. But I was being honest, and besides – she is the one with a kept man.
13 comments:
there is something really wrong in that relationship that karen and paul have, and you don't see it?
why briefs?
Violet, You don't have to be Dr. Phil to spot the problems there. Funny, they have been together for about 4 years, so on some level it must be working.
Why briefs? That's just a line from "Stripes" a Bill Murray movie. I like Bill Murray movies - a guilty pleasure (one of many).
"Older men are housebroken"!?!? What planet does she live on?
“Sounds like someone should put a leash on her (lynn)” - Amen
Anon, I find myself to be more - well, I won't use the word "housebroken" - civilized, perhaps well mannered, than many men with more years than I. I never agreed with Lynn on this point, and I never left the toilet seat up.
Anon2, Damn it, I'm still in love with her, so, no I don't want to see her with a leash on (not really my cup of tea)
You won't see Lynn on a leash but you can invision yourself on one? Interesting. Also, just a thought or question: What's up with all the references to that which costs money or how much something might cost? Are you that into the shallower aspects in life? Some might call them finer which they are but references to them make one wonder about the shallow? I'm just askin'.
Petunia, wow, I wrote it and did not even see it. You're right - I would not see Lynn in a leash, but would gladly try on one myself. I'm sick. I guess I really do need a therapist.
Shallowness, Hmmm, seems to be the least of my problems.
Thanks for the insight. I feel stupid.
No, no. No need to feel stupid. Just things to think about.
And thanks for the picture! I can -almost- see you! :)
Petunia, “No need to feel stupid”, but I do – just like there’s no need to feel heartbroken, but I do.
It’s so frustrating because in the professional sphere I’m usually one of the smartest guys in the room. I was just invited to speak at our industry’s biggest conference. I’ve guest lectured at MIT, Georgia Tech, and UCSD. One of my patents changed the way that semiconductors are manufactured.
But in relationships I can’t see what was obvious to more than one casual blog reader. And you guys get to see just a couple minutes of my life each day. And here I am living it.
Am I really just a socially inept nerd? Ouch.
It is always easier to tell someone else where they are making mistakes then to see the mistakes before and even when we are making them in our own lives. The kind of smarts you say you have are not the kind of smarts that keep you out of relationship trouble. Sometimes learning the hard way is the only way to avoid doing the same thing again in the future. And even then, you may need to make the same mistakes over and over until it is so painful, you try something new. You are in the same boat with the rest of the human race so don't feel alone! None of us got a navigation manual at birth. On some level, we are all nerds.
It's pretty hard to be objective when it's your heart going through the meat grinder. Ease up on yourself.
"But in relationships I can’t see what was obvious to more than one casual blog reader. And you guys get to see just a couple minutes of my life each day. And here I am living it.
Am I really just a socially inept nerd? Ouch."
IMO, this is a case of not being able to see the forest for the trees. :)
You just need to find a female that appreciates the Geek.
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