Another Date

“You know, she doesn’t seem that happy. Not like when you two were together.” I was sharing a plate of carpaccio with Linda. Linda was one of the secretaries at my previous employer. She’s really nice. She is a single mother of a 10 year old son and lives with her mother in south San Jose. She was pretty close to Lynn when they worked together. She was referring to Lynn.

Just to keep from being alone, I have been asking out just about every woman that I know. On evenings that I’m not working I’ll take someone of the female persuasion out to dinner. I’m a bit embarrassed to say it’s like an ego thing. Seeing how many women I can take out. But it’s just dinner, and I usually dine at pretty good establishments – so you can’t really call it a great accomplishment. I’m not leading them on, it’s just a dinner. I only take a gentlemanly and polite peck of a goodnight kiss at the end of the evening. Soon, what’s left over of my severance package will be gone and I’ll need to start watching my money a bit better. Anyway, I’ve taken out the lady from payroll, and purchasing, 3 from accounting, and 1 from support, and a secretary. Just for the record, all these women are single, available, and not from my current workplace.

Linda was telling me about the party at Liz’s. Tim was there with Lynn. “Lynn was a lot more reserved than usual, and she wasn’t smiling a lot. You two were a great couple. You both had these silly grins on your faces all the time when you were together – well, after you had sex.”

“She told you when we…”

“Oh, Rich, It was so obvious.”

“I miss her.”

“I was talking with her. You know, it’s weird. Didn’t you get upset when she started sleeping with Tim?”

I almost dropped my fork. “I’ve never been more upset in my life.”

“She seemed to think that you didn’t care that much.”

“Cause I didn’t hurt her, or break anything, or throw a tantrum?”

“I don’t know. I guess she expected more of a reaction.”

“Well, Jim certainly would have given that to her. You know, she asked me if I wanted to hit her after I had found out. Isn’t that weird?”

“Maybe she was abused at some time back. Did you react? I mean in a way that she could tell?”

“Yeah, I did.” I nodded slowly “She knows I was devastated.”

“Jim really treated her badly. I don’t know why she was with him for so long. Once we were out at a concert and he reached down her dress and grabbed her breast – right there in public. It was disgusting. She should have slapped him.”

“Well, he treated her badly in public. You never know what went on in private. I certainly can’t understand it. She told me that she didn’t cheat on him – well until we got together. But by that time she had already decided to leave him.” I took a long sip of wine. “She couldn’t bring herself to cheat on him. But she could so easily cheat on me. I don’t get it. Anyway, a bunch of guys gave her plenty of opportunities to stray while she was with Jim, and she turned them all down.” (including me, although I didn’t say that out loud). I sat silent for a while. “Did you know that he hit her?”

“Who, Jim?”

“Yeah. That’s when he decided to leave him.”

“At least she had the sense to get out once it got physical.” She though about this, I don’t think she hadn’t learned that Jim had hit Lynn. “But there’s a lot more to abuse than a fist, you know.” She added.

We moved on the nicer topics. It was easy to have a good conversation with Linda. This actually turned out to be one of the better dates I had been on in a while.

Driving back to Linda’s house the conversation had turned back to Lynn. “She wanted me to share her. You know, I get her half the time and Tim gets her the other half. I was almost ready to do it. But in the end I just couldn’t.”

“Wow, I’d like to have two men.”

“Yeah I know,” I said dismissively. “But what if you loved one of them?”

She thought about this. “Nah, probably not. But if it was just sex, now that’s another story.” She grinned widely. I explained how I tried to get back at Tim, and how Lynn wouldn’t let me.

We were parked in front of her house. “Rich, you’re a really sweet guy. You know, it’s her loss – not yours.” That comment is really starting to piss me off. I’ve lost and I hurt. As best I can tell, she doesn’t. It’s like I should just stop hurting because she’s done something dumb. She has done something dumb – I am better than Tim (at least I think so). But it still hurts - a lot.

“Thanks.” I said swallowing my anger and smiling at her.

“So, Rich, did you ask me out tonight so that you could have sex with me?”

This was a question that I really didn’t want to answer. What’s the right answer? I know that a sincere and non threatening advance is always flattering. But having her think that I was after her could change our relationship. On the other hand, “no” is only good if she doesn’t want it. “Hell hath no fury,” after all. I searched her eyes for the answer and came up blank. I couldn’t read her. How bad would “maybe” sound? Pretty bad, huh?

“Linda, you are wonderful. I don’t want to say anything that might possibly offend you. Can I take the 5^th on that?”

The truth is that I did not want to have sex with her (I hope to god she never reads this.) Not that I don’t find her attractive – I do. It’s just not what I want now. I really want Lynn. While it would be fun and distracting to have a roll in the hay with Linda, it seems like the resulting complications would be more trouble than it’s worth. It would end with one of us hurt – and I can’t handle that now.

Anyway, Linda beamed at my reply. Whatever she wanted to hear, it seems like this was the right answer. “Thanks, Rich” and she kissed me on the cheek.

I walked her to her door and gave her a kiss goodnight. For the first time since high school I worried about her mother peeking through the front curtains.

Driving home I was feeling even more alone than usual.