Messy

“Man, I made a mess of things.” I was sharing a Grey Goose Martini with Kristen. We were at her favorite watering hole in San Jose. We had just dropped off the kayak that unmitigated beast had left behind at the offices of an organization that holds an annual auction to raise money for Doctors without borders. It is a charity medical group that sends doctors to trouble spots around the world. Kristen decided that this would be the best use of the boat. She had offered it to me, but I declined as it was too generous a gift. As we dropped it off I thought that I might have overreacted (damn, that was a nice boat). It is clear that Kristen has (and had) no designs on me. She is focused on her career and working out. She is not going after guys for a while. She was unceremoniously dumped by her lover, and she is taking time to recover. She has encouraged me to do the same – but I am dumb. So I am out dating again – and this is what I had made a mess of.

I was regaling her with the comically bad date that I recently had with Heidi. “So I go in the house to pick up the picnic basket. She follows me in. I notice that the message light on the phone is on – so I hit the button to see who called. It’s Sarah.”

“Oh no, what does she say.”

“Well, she just moved up to Seattle. I had sent her a house warming gift and she was calling to say thank you. So she says ‘Thanks for the gift, I really love it, blah blah blah, can’t wait to see you again.’ In this really syrupy sweet voice – you know, very girlfriend like. I just could have died. I mean, I wasn't expecting anything like that.”

“What did Heidi do?”

“First the silent treatment. Then the inquisition. Oh, wait, it gets better. So I didn’t notice it, but there was a bra on the sofa. I guess Amanda and Jason were playing on the sofa the night before and they left a trail of underwear to the bedroom. Anyway, Heidi saw it.”

“No.” Kristen held her hand over her mouth and giggled slightly.

“And,” I take a sip of my martini.

“There’s more? Aaaah.” She laughed even harder.

“Oh yes, she sees Amanda’s mail on the counter, so she thinks I’m living with a woman. Women’s underwear all over the house – old girlfriends calling up.”

Kristen enjoyed a good belly laugh. “Oh, I’m sorry to laugh. Is she still talking to you?”

“Well, I hope so. It was a tense lunch.” We both laughed. “I can’t believe so many things went wrong all at the same time.”

“Well, on the plus side, it sounds like she’s mad. That probably means she cares. You’re lucky. If she didn’t care she wouldn’t be mad, she’d just leave.”

“Yeah, you’re right. But you know, I don’t feel good about it. The fact that she cares, I mean. I don’t know why.”

“You’re still in love. And I’m not sure with whom. Rich, seriously, you shouldn’t get involved with her. This is going to be bad. Have you slept with her yet?” Kristen asked.

For a second, I though, it was none of her business – but I pressed on anyway. “No, I haven't even made it to first base yet. I made a clumsy grab at her butt once, which she rebuffed. Haven’t made a move since - and neither has she.”

“You’re so romantic.”

“Hey, it was a sincere, heartfelt fondle of her posterior. Actually more of a caress than a fondle. It was very tasteful and loving.”

“I’m sure it was…” she paused for comic effect “…just some grab-ass.” We both laughed. Kristen can be as raunchy as any of the guy drinking buddies I’ve had. “Rich, you need some time to sort things out. You’re going to hurt her, and then you’re going to feel like shit. I’m telling you, ease yourself out of it now.”

“Shit, you’re probably right.” I drained the remainder of my martini.