I'm pissed

Don't know why. I'm just in a foul mood.

Had dinner with Heidi tonight. I went over to her cottage and cooked for her. Brought all the ingredients and a good bottle of wine. Prepped everything, cooked everything, washed all the dishes (no dishwasher), put them away. And dammit if she isn't ragging on me for how I'm washing the dishes. Seriously, after I bring food and wine, cook, clean, and put away, I expect "Thanks, Rich". Even if you didn't like it - just a "thanks" for the effort. I'd like an after dinner blow job - but OK - you can't always get what you want. Seriously ladies - a guy comes over, cooks, cleans, put everything away. Doesn't that deserve a thanks?

Who complains about how someone washes their dishes! WTF! I mean if the food was edible (it was!) and the dishes get clean (they did!) and they are put back where they belong (they were!) a modicum of gratitude is in order. I left her kitchen cleaner than when I found it.

"Oh, I don't wash my dishes that way." OK, fine! You wash them any way you want! Buh bye. That's what I should have said. I should have flung a plate across the room and stormed out. I didn't. I washed them the way she wanted. Fuckin' wuss.

After dinner I left.

I told her I had an early day tomorrow. And I just left.

Deep breath.

And in other news. Heidi is going up to Ashland, Oregon this weekend. Going to some Shakespeare plays. Leaving Thursday. Going with a few couples and a few strays.

Deep breath.

"Maybe you can come with next year." She said. It's an annual event for her. What? They ran out of hotel rooms? I can't sleep in the car, in a tent, on the sidewalk? Stay home, Rich, I'm going out to play with my friends.

Deep breath.

Maybe - more that just maybe - I'm pissed at Lynn. She never called. Broken heart. Knows that I was the better man. Knows that I would not hurt her. Knows I've got the bigger dick. Knows she had to fake all her orgasms with Tim. And now she's alone. But did not call.

Did not beg forgiveness.

Did not want to reconnect.

Did not even want to know how I was.

Why do I want her?

Maybe I'm mad at myself. For wanting her. For needing her. For not being able to learn. For getting involved with Heidi.

I'm just pissed.

Perhaps I should not blunk drog. I think I'll have a another martini. Yeah, that'll make the pain go away.