I arrived at
She let me in. I noticed a new picture on the wall. She told me later that it was a housewarming gift from Tim. Lame. I get her $300 worth of wine, and he buys her a $12 picture from a drug store. I’m serious, it’s an 8 by 10 cheesy picture of a waterfall. There is a motorcycle helmet on her bookcase. I know that Tim drives some kind of motorcycle. Damn.
She was just finishing up preparing dinner. We sat down to eat on the floor of her eating nook. She still had no furniture. We chatted about nothing significant through most of dinner.
“You know, guys usually show more appreciation for my cooking.”
I realized that this was the first time she cooked for me since leaving Jim. I ate there a lot, but I usually cooked (she occasionally did.) Her cooking was good, and I usually showed some appreciation. Today I just had no appetite.
“Um, yeah, this is good. Thanks for dinner.” I said without enthusiasm.
“Yeah, right. Thanks for the compliment.” She said with sarcasm.
“When guys gush over how great your food is, they are usually trying to get into your pants, right?”
“Well, yeah.”
“Do you know how many women have told me that I am the biggest and the best? Whenever they want me I am the best at everything. Once things end, they tell me they faked all their orgasms. So I can be honest with you. – we’re not sleeping together anymore – your cooking is good, but it's not great. I really do appreciate the dinner, though”
“You’re welcome. I’m still your friend, you know” she smiled genuinely. Then she frowned and sighed. “This is so hard.”
“What?”
“Dinner with you.”
“Why? Is this your pity dinner? The one you do with all your dumped boyfriends?”
“Not all of them.” She shrugged.
Just the ones that inspire guilt, I guessed.
We finished dinner and I helped her clean up. We took some wine to the loveseat in her living room and sat down.
“You know, you could have just moved in and had me” she told me.
“What?”
“Why didn’t you?” she asked.
“Move in here?”
“Yeah, why not?”
“You told me that you didn’t want that. You told me over and over again. You said you didn’t want me to move in. That we couldn’t be together. That you needed space.” I realized that I was almost yelling.
“I mean if you were here, I never would have started with Tim.” She said as if she hadn’t heard me. Oh my god. That cut me to the core. I’ve been racking my brain trying to figure out what I’ve done wrong. How I could have played things better. How I could have kept her. I listened to her. That was my problem. I needed to ignore what she said and just do what I wanted. I always thought that listening to women and doing with they asked was the right thing. I always thought that that would be the best way to a woman’s heart. Serves me right for trying to be a sensitive man of the new millennium. Women never fall for sensitive guys. I know this. How could I fall for that trap? Women want cave men.
“So I was supposed to ignore what you said, and just move in? Do everything you told me not to? Is that what you want?”
“When men really want something, they go for it.”
Oh, OK. “No” means “maybe”. “Maybe” means “screw my brains out”. It really crushed me to know how close I had been. It really hurt to know that being a gentleman cost me the girl. Yup, guys. Be a jerk and you get the girl. Do what you’re asked and you’re a wimp – they’ll show you the door. Why are women like this - I'll never understand.
I began to wonder where we really stood. “Does Tim know that we stopped sleeping together?”
“That’s none of your business” she replied tartly. I didn’t think about it at the time, but if it wasn’t any of my business that I knew that he knew that I wasn’t sleeping with Lynn, then it wasn’t any of his business knowing that I wasn’t sleeping with Lynn. I realized that I was really being pushed out from her life.
“Yes” she said after a short pause, somewhat sheepishly. Well, I guess it was my business after all. My heart sank.
“So he knows that he won.”
“It’s not a competition. I’m not a football field.”
I tried as hard as I could to see if there was any chance to win her back. We talked in circles for hours. Finally, I said “I just want things to be the same as they were before Tim”
“I can’t remember what that was like.”
“That was just a week ago. You have to remember, it was wonderful. We were in love, and you know it.”
“It can’t be the way it was.”
“Yes, it can. Just stop seeing him. Just end it.”
“No, it wouldn’t matter. Things can never be the same as they were.” And she started sobbing.
11 comments:
If there is one thing that pisses me off to NO end, is a female that expects you to read her god damned mind.
You are better off without her, love.
I mean....seriously.
"a female that expects you to read her god damned mind" -- especially when whats in her mind is different from what she said out loud!
But, really, aren't a lot of women like that?
"A $12 picture from a drugstore. Lame"
Uh, Rich, it's the thought that counts - not the amount.
Anon, Not only is my gift more expensive, it is more thoughtful, it is more useful, it tastes better, and she likes it more. So there.
You are doing the exact same thing I did when I was hurt and violated by "the Boy" You should have never apologized. And her saying that if you had moved in that nothing would have ever happened with Tim is BS!!! She is trying to make YOU feel guilty for her behavior. She knows exactly what she is doing and is not giving a flying f* how her actions affect anyone.
Women, geniunely good women, appreciate a good man. Don't forget that she was in an abusive relationship, not that this excuses her behavior, but she does not know that love is not supposed to hurt. somewhere in her life, she learned that love is supposed to be painful. she cannot live without the drama because this is what she is used to. until she gets help for herself she will NEVER be able to be in a healthy relationship with ANY ONE. she is doing you a huge favor, RUN! stay away, she could make any good man turn into a jerk because that is what she is used to...and you thinking that you need to be a jerk to get your girl, proves what I am telling you is true!
Rich, she is not emotionally or mentally healthy, and who knows if she will ever be. There are good women out there looking for good men like you. Move forward.
"But, really, aren't a lot of women like that?"
Not any that I know of, personally.
And I agree with Violet. :)
ALL of what Violet said.
With one more thing: It's never how much a gift costs that gives it value to the person receiving it.
Violet, I did need to apologize. I've known her for a lot of years and I know how to "push her buttons" and I did make it hard on her. I made her feel guilty. I kinda was an asshole, perhaps a justified asshole, but an asshole. I don't like that. When I do that, I make it right. And she owes me an apology, but I ain't holding my breath.
Arch, I've often found that women do expect guys to read their minds. They get pissed at us for no apparent reason and say "well if you don't know why..." and get even angrier. Admit it, you've seen this.
Petunia, Yeah, I know. And I know that she values that picture more than all the things that I have given her. And that hurts.
"Arch, I've often found that women do expect guys to read their minds. They get pissed at us for no apparent reason and say "well if you don't know why..." and get even angrier. Admit it, you've seen this."
Yes, I have witnessed females doing this and I will call them out 9 times out of 10 over it.
I much prefer being a plain spoken woman. I turned 39 today and never, in all of those years, has anyone *ever* wondered what I meant by anything. :D
I'm not sure she know she values right now but I imagine she valued your gifts as well but just couldn't figure out how hang a bottle of wine on the wall. I have tried. It's not as easy as it looks.
Arch, Your husband is a lucky man. And happy birthday!
Petunia, I did hang the wine on the wall. I got her this great wine rack from crate and barrel that mounts on the wall:
http://www.crateandbarrel.com/family.aspx?c=210&f=30089
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