Lynn and I had dinner on Friday night with Tom and Liz and a few of the folks from the old company. I was in a poor mood and it showed. I drove Later, I drove
“Have you ever been in this place? I mean, have you ever been having sex with a guy, more than a one night stand – and he started having sex with someone else and you found out about it?”
“Yes, I have.”
“And what did you do about it?”
“I shared him.” I could see it in her eyes. There was real pain here. I needed to ask, I was pretty sure I knew the answer.
“Was it good for you?”
“No” she was near tears – the pain was raw and close. I would have asked the next question, but I didn’t need to – would you wish that pain on your worst enemy? I already knew the answer.
When you get cheated on, you have two choices. A – you stay and put up with it. You do this because you are getting more out of the relationship than it is costing you in terms of pain. There are 2 ways to make this work. One, don’t feel any pain – either because you don’t care or you’ve gone numb to the world. Or two, get something really good out of the relationship. B – you leave
I’m guessing she was in love. I know there was a guy that she dated in college. She was working at a bank, he was a manager (there is so much sex in the office place these days. Where is HR when you need them?) I know that he broke her heart – but she’s never shared many details with me.
“He didn’t even try to hide it, did he?”
“No.” She mouthed silently and shook her head slowly.
I went to get another drink. I stood and looked at her. “What am I going to do with you?”
“I don’t know.” She wiped a tear from her cheek with the heel of her hand.
“I guess I’ll just have to let you go.” She immediately lit up, jumped to her feet and kissed me. This is what she needs. Do you know how much you need to love someone to let them go? She was laughing and crying and kissing me all at the same time.
I couldn’t let her be this happy about it. “No matter how bad it gets for you.” I held her, “No matter how awful it feels, when you hit rock bottom, I want you to know something.”
“What?” she looked at me and sniffled.
“I want you to know…”, I paused for dramatic effect, “that I feel much worse.”
“You rat!” she said. She hit me playfully. We both broke into giggles.
---------------------------------------
I went to sleep on the couch, actually it’s just a love seat. 10 minutes later she came out of the bedroom, and said “Rich, are you just out there to be polite?”
No, I’m out here because I’m pissed at you – I thought. “Uh, no.”
“Get in the bed. You’ll sleep better.”
We slept, clothes on, no sex – we probably never will again.
--------------------------------
“I’m going to the aquarium in
“Why?”
“I like aquariums” she said.
“I can take you to an aquarium.”
“No.”
“I though I got to have you on Saturday.”
“You spent Friday with me. I’m spending the day with Tim.”
I knew it was over. She knew it was over. I packed up the things I had left at her apartment over the last week and a half into a small box. (Has it only been a week and a half? It seems an eternity) Tim had left a pair of gym socks on her dresser. Why doesn’t he just piss on the corner of her bed to mark his territory? I took the socks and left a pair of my boxers in their place. I’ll ceremoniously burn the socks later - maybe on a voodoo doll.
“You can take your wine” she said. There were 8 bottles left. They probably cost me $250. I hated the fact that she was probably going to enjoy them with Tim.
“No, that was a housewarming gift, for you.” God this hurts.
I gave her back her key. Holding my possessions under one arm, I kissed her goodbye. She didn’t kiss me back. She didn’t hug me.
It is over.
I let her go.
Fuck! It hurts!
12 comments:
You're a good man, Rich
Karma will reward you
There is a lesson in this for you. I hopr you find it.
Anon, thanks. Not sure if my karma's paying off yet.
Anon2, not seeing the lesson myself. Don't know what I would have done differently. What do you see?
this is the best decision you could have made
She's just not that into you.
Violet, too bad it doesn't feel that way. Time will tell.
Anon, seems like it.
The lessons are:
1.You can't take an opportunity just because it is offered to you. It has to be the right time.
2. You can't save any one but yourself.
3. This was not about you. You jut thought it was.
4. It's dangerous to want something so badly you miss all the red flags.
5. This was never about you. It was only about you in your head. Just as you were her boyfriend only in your head.
6. Move on. Do you really want a girl who is sleeping with her boss in the first 2 weeks? Do you really want that kind of girl? I wonder how long she will keep that job.
7 Maybe who you think she is is not at all who she is at all. Our fantasies have a way of shielding us from the truth.
8. Guys named Tim have a history of being jerks.
9. Find the lesson for yourself. I could be wrong...but I doubt it.
10. I'm sorry to be the harsh grasshopper. That's not a lesson.
Rich, the right decisions are always the toughest. That is why it is right.
Anon,
I though you were going to say "Don't fall in love with women that are not available." Which is a pretty good rule to live by. I can't chose who I fall in love with, but I do chose what I do about it.
And btw, Tim is her co-worker, not her boss. If he were her boss, I'd be calling their HR right now - get his butt fired.
She slept with him on the first DAY of work. But they have known each other for more than a year.
And, yeah, in my experience most Tim's are jerks - but there are notable exceptions.
It's also never good to sleep where you eat! But..what you said is right on!
Anon, one more thing, if you imply that my dick causes me to make bad judgment calls, well, duh. I'm a man. Some things will never change.
Rich, you've been going through so much... I'm so sorry for your pain! And I'm sorry I haven't been here.
xoxox
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