Drunk and Kissin' a Dog

You must be one hurtin’ puppy” Maurizio said with genuine empathy in his voice. At least somebody loves me.

We were at HMB (Half Moon Bay Brewery). It was dark and cold outside. It’s Monday, so there is no live music. We are at a table inside. I was drinking the pale ale, Maurizio the porter. I had finished telling Maurizio the story of the past month or so. Maurizio took a long swig of beer. We’re just having beer. Glen, the chief barkeep is here tonight. It’s slow, so he listens in and comments now and then. Like any good bar owner, he keeps our glasses full and acts like he cares about my troubles. I'm guessing hes heard his share of heartbreak stories.

“I hate Tim.” I said bitterly.

“Why?” Maurizio asked. “He didn’t do anything you wouldn’t have done.”

“Huh?”

“In fact, you did exactly what he did.”

“Well, not really.”

“Rich, you’re just justifying this to yourself. You would have done exactly what he did.”

“Are you trying to piss me off?”

“What did Tim do to you?”

“He took the love of my life.”

“How?”

“He slept with her.”

“As I recall, you did the same thing.”

“What?” Now he was really starting to make me mad.

“Weren’t you putting the moves on Lynn while she was with Jim?”

“It was over between them.”

“Well, you were getting a little tonsil action around Christmas. That was well before they broke up. And correct me if I’m wrong here, but you were sleeping with her while she was still living with Jim.” I was getting mad at him. Mostly because I knew he was right. This was karma. I did it to Jim. Tim did it to me. The only thing that could make this right was for someone to do it to Tim.

“Think about it from Tim’s perspective. He starts working with a new sexy girl. He asked her out to dinner. She says OK. She invites him back to her place for a cup of coffee after dinner. One thing leads to another. Next thing you know, love conquers all.” He paused – looking a little bored and irritated. “You’re not mad at Tim. And I think you know this.”

“Yeah, but I love Lynn. I can’t blame her.”

“Give it time, buddy. I’m going to give you some advice. You’re probably not going to take it. You just went through the worst kind of break-up. You got dumped during the exciting young love phase of the relationship. She dealt you one serious ration of hurtin’. You need to work though the seven stages of grief. Shock, denial, anger, drinking, more drinking, and I forget what else.”

“You know, she didn’t even try to hide it from me”

“Is that worse?”

“I think it is. Think about it. When someone hides it, at least they don’t want to hurt you. She didn’t even care if I was hurt or not. She didn’t care if I stayed or not. It was truly the opposite of love. When someone breaks up because they are angry at least they still care, there are still feelings. She had nothing.”

“I don’t think it’s that simple. Sure, some folks hide it because they don’t want to hurt their partner. For others, they know the cheating will hurt their partner, and they are afraid of facing the anger that comes from that. They’re cowards. Some really want to be out of the relationship, but they are too weak to end it. They move on anyway. They are real cowards, the biggest kind of jerks. Lynn was honest with you. Give her some credit for that. That had to be hard.”

“But why didn’t she care? How is it that she let me go so easily?”

“Rich, one day this will all be in perspective. You need to give it some time. I think it was hard for her to do this – harder than you think. Don’t get me wrong, it is a lot harder on you. But this wasn’t easy on her either.”

“You know, the funny thing is if I didn’t care about her, I could have shared her. Here’s this hot babe who could be an underwear model and I get to have sex with her 3 nights a week, and I don’t have to take out the trash or ‘relate’ to her or anything. When I get tired of her I just walk away, no guilt, no drama. What guy wouldn’t want that?”

“Hell, I’d be up for that. She’s not my type, but – you know - with the right guy that would be awesome.”

“So why couldn’t I do it?”

“You were in love.” He looked at me with a sad smile, “you are in love.”

“If only I had James Bond’s confidence.”

“I think she needs this now. You played this the best you could.”

“No. She said if I had just moved in she would have been mine.”

“Yeah, I read your blog. I’m not so sure. Things would have been different.”

“Then why would she say that? To torture me?”

“Rich, you gotta move on. She’s hurting, too. Yes, she’s being a selfish bitch, but haven’t you been selfish from time to time? We all have.”

“Intellectually, I know that noting has significantly changed from last month. In January she was sleeping with Jim – and I didn’t have her. Today, she is sleeping with Tim – and I don’t have her. The only thing that changed was the guy she’s with. Just one stinkin’ letter. Intellectually, I know that Tim didn’t do anything to me. It was her that I should be mad at. Emotionally, it’s a whole different story.”

“It’s not an intellectual exercise. It’s pointless to look at it that way.”

“You know, it’s not that she slept with him. She has a certain zest for life. I know this.”

“That’s part of why you fell for her.”

“And it’s not that she’s gonna sleep with him again. It’s that I’m losing her. But the part that really hurts so much is how she can so casually dismiss me.” I wiped my eye, holding back a tear. “Have you ever been dumped like this? I mean, right in the beginning when it is still fresh and new and wonderful?”

“Yeah. A long time ago.”

“You got over it?”

“No. Not really. I still carry the scars – it changes you. You never really get over something like this. It’s like your first love – you’ll remember it forever. Both the good and the bad - mostly the good. But you get past it. The pain will fade”

“Will I ever be the same?”

“No. But you’ll survive. And you’ll grow. And don’t ever do it to anyone else. And if you're smart, you'll learn from this. You'll be able to avoid this next time it comes at you.”

“What was the advice you were going to give me?”

“Give it a year. Don’t see Lynn - don't call her, don't e-mail her, don't text her. Don’t see other girls. Throw yourself into your work. Get a hobby. Get a dog. Anything. Don’t take a lover for a while. It will be bad for you and bad for her.”

“I can’t go on without Lynn as my friend.”

“Yeah, Rich, you really can. At the moment, she's not much of a friend. There’s an old movie – I can’t remember the title – but this old guy, I think it was Eddie Albert, is giving some advice to a kid, I seem to remember Gary Busey. Anyway, the kid is having problems with his lover. And the old guy is giving him some advice. He says ‘you can have a dog for a friend, and you can have whiskey for a friend, but when you have a woman for a friend – you are going to end up drunk and kissin’ your dog.’"

"Girls make wonderful friends” I protested.

"Yeah, they do. But like I said, she's not much of a friend now"