Bye bye

“Man, I’m going to miss you” said Amanda, with an emphasis on the word “you”. I had just handed her a glass of fresh squeezed orange juice. I had gotten up early and was going for a paddle before work. I was trying to be quiet and honor Jason’s request that I not feed Amanda anymore. She heard me banging around in the kitchen and came out. The past few days, I’ve been getting up early and going for my paddle. If Amanda was up and about I’d get her some coffee or orange juice, but we’ve been skipping our breakfasts together. This morning she caught me in the kitchen getting ready to go, and I made her a glass of OJ. That’s when she told me how much she’d miss me.

“As opposed to?” I replied.

“Jas.”

“Moving on?”

“Yeah. It’s not working. The whole jealousy thing. He's getting out of control. He hasn’t had a lot of girlfriends, has he?”

“You’re the only one in the past year. I’m not sure about before that – but I think you’re probably right.”

“Usually that’s a good thing. They’re so grateful to have a girlfriend that they’re well behaved. Make me breakfast?” She asked and gave me a big smile.

“You sure that’s a good idea?” This really went against my better judgment.

“Yeah. Time to set this bridge on fire.”

“What do you want?”

“The Full Monte. Make me that eggs benedict you brag about. And pour me a mimosa while you’re at it.”

“Your tastes have gotten sophisticated.”

“You’ve been spoiling me.” She shrugged.

“You know that’s really going to piss him off.”

“Yeah, guys are dense. You need to hit them over the head with a two by four to get them to notice anything.” I gave her a blank look. If ‘guys are dense’ what am I – fuckin' chopped liver? Oh, yeah, I am chopped liver. For some reason, girls often talk to me like I’m one of them – I guess I’m too ‘safe’. She went on, oblivious, “otherwise he’ll be calling me and whining and stalking me and trying to get back together. I hate that. Better to make a clean break of it.” She finished her juice. “Ya know, I used to think that you were freaky obsessed about food. But, I gotta admit, fresh squeezed OJ is a great way to start the day.”

“It only takes a minute. Slice open a couple of oranges, put ‘em in the juicer and you’re there.”

“Yeah, but then you have a knife and a cutting board and a juicer to wash. I’d rather just pop open a plastic bottle.”

I shrugged. You get out of life what you put into it.

I pulled a bottle of champagne from the fridge – who am I to say no to a cute girl looking for mimosas? (Shit, my judgment sucks anyway) I had a nice bottle of Mumm’s Napa sparkling brut chilled. I can always paddle tomorrow.

It took about half an hour to make breakfast. After the mimosa, Amanda was drinking the champagne straight. I took a flute myself. Just after I plated the breakfast Jason came out of his bedroom. He looked at us, disgusted, shook his head and went outside without a word. We heard a car drive off with a chirp of tires. Amanda tapped her champagne flute against mine and winked at me. Man that really made me feel like shit. I was not happy to be involved in hurting Jason like that. But, it was inevitable - and as she said, it's best to make a clean break of it.

Things will probably be a bit tense around the house for a while. I think I may need to get either a new house mate - or a new house.

Liar, liar...

"Rich, I have a confession to make"

"Uh, OK." I started to wonder -but my imagination is probably wilder than she is, so I wasn't too worried. "What is it?"

"Well, you know, when I told you that I had recently celebrated by 32nd birthday?" Heidi asked me.

"Yeah"

"Well, I really was celebrating my 32nd birthday. But my 32nd birthday was a few years ago."

That was actually one of the more clever ways of looking at birthdays that I have heard of. I was amused. "How many years?" I asked. She just learned that I'm 35.

"Four" she said very sheepishly.

That makes her a few months older than me. Frankly, I don't care. It doesn't bother me at all that she's older than me. It doesn't bother me that she lied about her age. I rather expect women to. I was wondering what to do. I do expect anyone I'm in a relationship with to be honest with me. I try to be. But I am also realistic enough to know that a few white lies can keep things on an even keel. ("Do these jeans make my butt look fat?") I also know that we don't share everything - some things are better left unsaid. And, I never asked Heidi her age - I know better than that - she volunteered that information.

I thought about acting angry about this. I mean, it is quite reasonable to be unhappy when lied to. Could this be the lame excuse I need to just walk away from this?

But I don't want to walk away from all this. I really like her. I enjoy her company. But this isn't going to be a romantic relationship. Maybe I should take this as my opportunity to come clean with her about my intentions. I like you, but I'm only interested in your mind, not your body. What girl wants to hear that?

But do I need to come clean? I mean, we go out, we spend my money, we have fun. Just because we are casually dating, does that mean I need to take it to the next level? Am I under any obligation to pursue a romantic relationship? She is under no such obligation. I don't have any expectations - for love or sex.

I needed more time to figure this out. I'm probably going to be chicken shit about this and ignore it until she makes a move. I know. I suck. And she was waiting for my reaction. "That makes you older than me." I observed. Trying to buy myself some more time.

"Yeah" She said, even more sheepishly - if that was possible.

"Well, I'm OK with that, if you are."

"You're not mad?"

"No" I laughed - hoping it didn't sound forced. "But just promise me that if you catch me in a little white lie, you'll cut me some slack, too."

She seemed genuinely relieved.

Messy

“Man, I made a mess of things.” I was sharing a Grey Goose Martini with Kristen. We were at her favorite watering hole in San Jose. We had just dropped off the kayak that unmitigated beast had left behind at the offices of an organization that holds an annual auction to raise money for Doctors without borders. It is a charity medical group that sends doctors to trouble spots around the world. Kristen decided that this would be the best use of the boat. She had offered it to me, but I declined as it was too generous a gift. As we dropped it off I thought that I might have overreacted (damn, that was a nice boat). It is clear that Kristen has (and had) no designs on me. She is focused on her career and working out. She is not going after guys for a while. She was unceremoniously dumped by her lover, and she is taking time to recover. She has encouraged me to do the same – but I am dumb. So I am out dating again – and this is what I had made a mess of.

I was regaling her with the comically bad date that I recently had with Heidi. “So I go in the house to pick up the picnic basket. She follows me in. I notice that the message light on the phone is on – so I hit the button to see who called. It’s Sarah.”

“Oh no, what does she say.”

“Well, she just moved up to Seattle. I had sent her a house warming gift and she was calling to say thank you. So she says ‘Thanks for the gift, I really love it, blah blah blah, can’t wait to see you again.’ In this really syrupy sweet voice – you know, very girlfriend like. I just could have died. I mean, I wasn't expecting anything like that.”

“What did Heidi do?”

“First the silent treatment. Then the inquisition. Oh, wait, it gets better. So I didn’t notice it, but there was a bra on the sofa. I guess Amanda and Jason were playing on the sofa the night before and they left a trail of underwear to the bedroom. Anyway, Heidi saw it.”

“No.” Kristen held her hand over her mouth and giggled slightly.

“And,” I take a sip of my martini.

“There’s more? Aaaah.” She laughed even harder.

“Oh yes, she sees Amanda’s mail on the counter, so she thinks I’m living with a woman. Women’s underwear all over the house – old girlfriends calling up.”

Kristen enjoyed a good belly laugh. “Oh, I’m sorry to laugh. Is she still talking to you?”

“Well, I hope so. It was a tense lunch.” We both laughed. “I can’t believe so many things went wrong all at the same time.”

“Well, on the plus side, it sounds like she’s mad. That probably means she cares. You’re lucky. If she didn’t care she wouldn’t be mad, she’d just leave.”

“Yeah, you’re right. But you know, I don’t feel good about it. The fact that she cares, I mean. I don’t know why.”

“You’re still in love. And I’m not sure with whom. Rich, seriously, you shouldn’t get involved with her. This is going to be bad. Have you slept with her yet?” Kristen asked.

For a second, I though, it was none of her business – but I pressed on anyway. “No, I haven't even made it to first base yet. I made a clumsy grab at her butt once, which she rebuffed. Haven’t made a move since - and neither has she.”

“You’re so romantic.”

“Hey, it was a sincere, heartfelt fondle of her posterior. Actually more of a caress than a fondle. It was very tasteful and loving.”

“I’m sure it was…” she paused for comic effect “…just some grab-ass.” We both laughed. Kristen can be as raunchy as any of the guy drinking buddies I’ve had. “Rich, you need some time to sort things out. You’re going to hurt her, and then you’re going to feel like shit. I’m telling you, ease yourself out of it now.”

“Shit, you’re probably right.” I drained the remainder of my martini.

More Jealousy

"Who ees Amanda?"

"Amanda?" I asked confused.

“Yes, Amanda. zhat’s her name eesn’t it?” Heidi’s accent was getting thicker as she was getting angry and talking faster. “Who ees she?”

Heidi and I were having a picnic at a park near my house in Mountain View. I had prepared a basket of sandwiches, fruit, my potato salad, and a bottle of white wine (a good New Zealand sauvignon blanc) which is actually not allowed at the park. I picked her up and then went back to my house to pick up the picnic (just to keep things as fresh as possible). I noticed that there was a message on the answering machine as we went into the kitchen. I had my cell turned off - no disturbances while I'm with Heidi - so if someone really wanted to reach me they might have tried to call the house. I wasn’t worried about hiding anything from her – so I just hit the button. It was Sarah.

“Hi Rich.” Came the voice from the machine with enthusiasm. “I got your gift. Thanks so much. I really like it. Look me up next time you’re in the neighborhood. Can’t wait to see you again.” There was a pause, and then a “thanks again, bye” in a very sing song voice. Well, at least she didn’t say “I love you!” Why do I even have a land line? Why do I have an answering machine?

Heidi was very quiet as we drove to the park. I thought it was the phone call that she was unhappy about. Once we were at the park she demanded to know who Amanda was, which threw me for a loop. “Yes, zees Amanda, who ees she? I saw the mail on your counter. It was addressed to ‘Amanda’, with your house number on it. You didn’t tell me you were living with a woman.”

“Whoa, slow down. Amanda is Jason’s girlfriend. I live with Scott and Jason. Jason has a girlfriend - Amada. She has been staying over at the house a lot lately.”

“Sleeping there? Getting mail there?”

“Yes, to both questions. But she is Jason’s girlfriend. I’m not his mom. I don’t tell him who he can sleep with or when he can sleep with her.”

“So that was her bra on the sofa?”

Oh, crap. I guess I need to scrub the house before I have Heidi over. Thinking about it from her perspective I can see how this was looking pretty bad. “Yes. Well, she and Jason tend play in the living room.” It was clear that I was offending her Midwestern sensibilities. We have been dating for 3 weeks now and I’ve not so much as made it to first base yet. (Oddly, that does not bother me at all, but that’s a whole different post.)

“And who was that on the phone message?”

I inhaled deeply. “That was Sarah.” I explained about Sarah and how she had recently moved up to Seattle – and that we had been close, but broke up about a year ago. This took a while, and I think she started to calm down. (I won’t post it all here, but these posts have the history of Sarah, this post, the second half of this post and my recent weekend with Sarah.) I left out the part that we were engaged. And I really left out the weekend that we had spent together recently. But I can only think that it would have made things worse. The food was getting warm. This wasn’t the picnic I was planning on.

“Well,” she sniffed, “at least you played the phone message in front of me. You weren’t trying to hide anything.” She paused for quite a while.

“I’m sorry. It’s just…” She didn’t finish the sentence. She was jealous. I wish it had made me feel good. You know, flattered in a way because someone really cares me and wants me. Jealousy is an ugly emotion, but sometimes it exposes how we really feel. There have been times when it is nice to know that someone cares that much, even if they haven’t shown it in other ways. It just wasn’t the case this time.

Jealousy

“Hey, I don’t want you cooking for her anymore.” Jason (one of my housemates) was angrier than I had ever seen him before.

“It’s only food.” I protested.

“Just cut it out.” Jason was nearly yelling.

It seems that he is developing a bad case of jealousy. Amanda (his girlbuddy) has been staying over night just about every night lately. She has some of her mail delivered here, too. Scott (my other housemate) and I have been trying to decide if we should start charging her rent. I don’t think we should bother, as the couple of them don’t take up any more room than Jason did alone. Personally, I like having a woman around – it has a certain civilizing influence on the household. Except, of course, when someone gets jealous – then things start to get ugly.

Anyway, Amanda and I are the early risers in the house and we have been having breakfast together almost every day for the last couple of weeks. I promised to make her eggs benedict with real hollandaise sauce – and I guess this put Jason over the top. He seems to think it is my after sex breakfast. While it is one of the more impressive breakfasts in my repertoire, I’ve had everything from omelets to oatmeal (or oreos) the morning after.

Frankly, I would not take Amanda from him – even if I didn’t have a “would-be” girl friend that I am currently dating - well, sort of. I know the pain of losing someone and I would not impose that on anyone. I’ll back off. I’ve not been taking my morning paddles recently – I guess it’s time to start again.

In other news, Sarah (the runaway bride) has moved up to Seattle, and found a cozy new apartment – cozy as in really small. But she thinks this is just a temporary. I sent her a new coffee maker, a really nice one, as a house warming gift.

She never made it back to the bay area on her way up to Seattle. Damn. My ankle still hurts from time to time from that nasty fall I took trying not to be late for our date. I guess that type of injury takes a while to heal. Funny, the ache in my ankle makes me limp at times, but it reminds me of our weekend together – I kinda like it.

Embarassed

Sunday afternoon I was out paddling in the Santa Cruz yacht harbor - warming up to go out on the bay. (And working off the hangover that was induced by Heidi's father.) I noticed this cute blonde dressed in a tiny tank top and an even tinier turquoise bikini bottom. She was in a laser. She was rigging her sails, making her way out of the harbor. She looked up and saw me. I smiled at her. I puffed out my chest and picked up my pace a bit. I really try to be an intelligent man of the new millennium - but like a cave man, I needed to show off my muscle power. Why do I do that? Gotta be a hormonal problem.

Anyway, I couldn't take my eyes off her.

And then...

Crash!

I crashed into the dock, not a glancing blow. I plowed into it hard. If I had a fiberglass boat, I would have broken it. Fortunately I have a cheap plastic boat, and it just bounced off the dock. Everything intact, but my ego. But it made a huge noise. People turned to look. I'm pretty sure I turned beet red.

Sailor girl held her hand over her mouth and laughed, then shook her head. Then she went back to her rigging.

Happy 4th

“So you’re the young man who has been seeing so much of my daughter” said the tall man with the heavy Swedish accent. I was at a 4^th of July party held by Heidi’s parents. I was invited at the last minute, and couldn’t think of an excuse not to go. I was thinking of going down to Santa Cruz and paddling for the day, and hanging out. Frankly, I wanted to be alone. In addition to wanting to be alone, I really didn’t want to “meet the parents”. We’re way too soon in the relationship for that – and we probably won’t get to that point.

Anyway, it turns out that the party was a combined “Mid-summer” party – a traditional Swedish holiday, and a 4^th of July party. The mid-summer party is a celebration of the solstice – that actually do that in Sweden. I had no idea. Heidi’s father, a full blooded Swede, invited a large crowd to his house to celebrate the 4^th in traditional Swedish style – complete with smoked reindeer meat and lingon berry sauce – and this liquor called aquavit, literally translated from Swedish it means “water of life” – it is industrial strength alcohol. It was quite a party, a big tent in the back yard, caterers serving up lots of food and beverages.

Heidi’s father is an imposing man, about 6’5’’ with white hair flecked with a few black strands. He is head of a chemical company in Menlo Park which has something to do with semiconductor manufacturing.

“Yes, sir.” I responded to what I assumed was a question rather than a statement

“So, what are your intentions for her?”

Yikes, how does one answer a question like that – well, I was hoping for some sloppy drunken sex, but haven’t been able to get her liquored up enough yet - “I assure you, sir, nothing but honorable.” I replied, hoping that this is what he was expecting. He smiled at this – he was enjoying it. It was clear that he was a man of power, and was used to having folks cower in his presence. I wouldn’t disappoint him.

“So, what do you do for a living?”

I told him about my job at the internet start-up that I work at.

“Oh, is that ------‘s company?” He named the CEO.

“Yes, sir.”

“I was involved in arranging some financing for him. How long have you worked there?”

“Almost 4 months, sir.”

“You got in early. I’m impressed.’ His expression echoed this. “You must be very good at what you do. He only hires the best.”

He asked about my stock options plan, and started to ask some detailed business questions. I kept my answers vague – I wasn’t sure if he was really associated with the company or not, or if he was testing me to see if I would talk about the company plans to outsiders. He asked me about the working hours.

“It’s been getting very busy lately.” I answered. “The hours are pretty long.”

“I expect he works his people pretty hard. Well, don’t you neglect my Heidi.”

“Of course not, sir.”

He smiled, shook my hand and moved on.

Heidi was right behind me with a glass of white wine. “I think I passed.” I said. I felt some sweat trickle down my back.

“Oh, he’s more bark than bite. Don’t worry about him.”

That was easy for her to say.

Heidi and I mingled a bit, and then sat at our usual table near her cottage and had dinner.

As the party started to wind down, Heidi’s father came over and joined us with a bottle of Swedish Vodka that he was quite proud of and two shot glasses. “Rich, have you ever had good Swedish Vodka? Many people think of Finland and Russia when they think of Vodkas – but the best are made in Sweden.” He said with obvious national pride. He poured us both generous shots and toasted me with something in Swedish. I have been drinking Grey Goose recently – a French Vodka – this was definitely on par with that, perhaps smoother. This stuff could be dangerous.

He talked for quite a while about Sweden, and his childhood, building a company. While pouring me additional shots pretty regularly.. After the 4^th I wondered what the sleeping arrangements for the evening would be. I had my spare clothes in the truck, and I am sure they have spare bedrooms – but this would just be weird.

He stood up abruptly, and said “Well, young man, I suspect you’ve got things to do tomorrow. We don’t want to keep you.” I was summarily dismissed. He thought for a moment . “You’re probably not good to drive. Wait here for a minute.” He took a few steps away and made a call on his cell. He turned back to me. “My driver will take you home. It was a pleasure to meet you. Say hello to [the CEO] for me when you see him.”

“Yes, thank you, sir. It was a pleasure to meet you, too, sir. Thanks for everything, sir.”

I was waiting for him to say "Stop calling me sir", but he didn't.

A man in a tuxedo who looked like one of the waiters approached us, clearly, the driver, and led me away.’

I gave Heidi a peck on the cheek goodnight, and shook her father’s hand again. He said “good night” followed by something in Swedish.

I was escorted to the back seat of a large late model Volvo, actually quite nice – so this is how the other half gets drunk.

Random Facts

I've learned about Heidi

- she's 32 years old. Hmm, past the nasty 29-30 transition

- she was married for 18 months

- she was a virgin until her wedding night - really!? today? in california? 'till her mid 20's - hard to believe, but that's what she told me. I'll take her at her word until she gives me reason to doubt her. Doesn't seem to have much of a libido, tho.