Sunday Drive

It was about 11 at night. I was driving up highway 85 with the top down. It was surprisingly warm for October in the bay area. The phone rang and I answered it. It was Heidi. She’s up in Ashland Oregon where they do some kind of Shakespeare thing. Heidi and her friends make an annual event of it. So I was on my own for the weekend. Normally I would work, but we just finished a large project, and the next one hasn’t started. I slowed the car a bit to reduce the wind noise. “Hey how were the plays?”

“Great.” She regaled me with some highlights. “You driving?” she asked.

“Yeah, headed home.”

“Where’d you go?”

Ooh. I got a knot in my stomach. I have been really honest with Heidi, and now was not the time to start hiding things from her. “I was over at Lynn’s” I said as nonchalantly as possible.

“Oh.” She said, disappointed, but not surprised. There was silence for a moment. “It’s late.” She said, stating the obvious, but her accusation was clear.

Shit. I should have sent this to voicemail. “Nothing happened.” I tried not to sound defensive. Hey, you’re the one who went away for the weekend – with guys tagging along, I might add. I left this unsaid. I have no claim at all on her. I’m lucky she talks to me. “How dumb do you think I am?”

“When it comes to her…” she didn’t finish her sentence.

“I had dinner with an old friend. That’s all it was.”

“Should I come over tomorrow? You have time?”

“Yeah, things are slow at work.”

The Friday before this conversation, I had gone home early and continued to be in a foul mood. I decided to go for a long paddle on Saturday and headed out early in the morning to Sausilido. Maybe a change of venue would cheer me up. There’s a nice yacht harbor there and still enough wind and waves to get a good workout. I needed to go either early or late to avoid the tides. I paddled angry for a good 3 hours and exhausted myself.

I hosed my boat and myself off and then had lunch in the park near the waterfront. Watched the people go by.

Went home and made myself a bowl of risotto – my favorite comfort food. Downed it with a bottle of chianti, and still had a hard time falling asleep.

Sunday morning, I called her. (Lynn for you new readers, the woman who put my heart through a meat grinder, now dumped by the guy she left me for.)

It was about 10 a.m. “Did I wake you?”

“No.”

“How have you been?”

“I’ve been better. It’s been a while.”

I didn’t know what to say – you threw me out. “yeah” I lamely replied. I’d let her steer the conversation.

“How have you been?”

“I’ve been better, too.”

Now I was wondering why I called. This was awkward. We had talked after our break-up, but not since she got dumped by Tim. “I hear you and Heidi are quite the item now.”

“Oh?”

“Well the office gossip is all about a weekend in Monterrey.”

“Mmm”

“She asked me about you.”

“What’d you tell her?”

“I told her you were a great date. You really know how to take good care of a woman. And to be kind to you, cause you’ve been through a lot lately.”

“Thanks.”

“I didn’t give her any details.”

“I did.”

“You what?”

“Yeah, well…” I explained how things happened with Heidi. And there it was – we were back in our groove. It was not awkward. We were talking about our love lives. And then I did remember why I called. I just really needed to hear her say “Rich, I’m sorry.” Don’t know why. I just needed to hear it.

We talked some more. We both laughed at something. “I’ll buy you a beer.” I said.

“Crows nest?”

“Yeah.”

“When?”

“Now.”

“Well, come get me.”

I drove over to her apartment. I walked her out to my car. “Where’s the truck?” she asked.

“I bough this, it’s more fun.”

“This is yours? Oh my god, Rich, you bought this?” She knew in an instant.

“Yeah.” I couldn’t suppress a grin.

She looked at me and took my hand. “You were really in love – weren’t you?”

“Couldn’t you tell?”

“Yeah.” She looked away “And it scared me. I really wasn’t ready for that.”

I waited for it “I’m sorry, Rich”, but it never came. I opened the car door for her.

“This is crazy, Rich!” She called out as I got in.

Yeah, this is crazy, I thought.

We had a nice lunch at the crows nest and had a couple of drinks while watching the boats go in and out of the harbor. Driving home, we took the car up highway 1 then over 84 – winding through the Santa Cruz mountains. It was a wonderful day for the drive.

As we got towards Los Gatos she asked what we should do for dinner. I volunteered to make a fettuccini alfreado with chicken. She put her arm on my shoulder in an affectionate gesture. “That would be so nice. I am so tired of cooking for guys.” I almost smacked her. For Tim you cook, for me you lounge on the couch and watch!?!? WTF, that’s not right.

Guys, do not be the one that cooks. Be the one that is cooked for.

There’s a lesson to be learned here, but I’m too thick to pick it up. We stop to get ingredients for dinner. And a bottle of wine.

I cook her dinner, and we eat sitting on the floor of her breakfast nook. She still has no furniture but what we extracted from her home with Jim (and the bed).

Late in the evening, lingering over the last of the wine, she asks “So where does that leave us?”

“Well, I don’t trust you any further than I can throw you.”

“And you can’t throw me very far.” She's probably all of 95 pounds, I could get some good distance on her, I thought, not that I would.

“And I’m not sure I want to be your second choice.”

“Yeah,” she said “I can understand that.”

And again, I waited for it. “I’m sorry, Rich” but it never came.

I seriously wish she had not gotten dumped by Tim. This is hard, in so many ways. But, I am not going to get entangled as long as I am with Heidi. And with that thought I got up and walked out the door. 10 minutes later, Heidi called.