More Blunk Drogging

Hrmpph.

Heidi's gone.

We just finished up a big project at work. Went home early. Tomorrow looks like a slow day.

All dressed up and no where to go.

So here I sit - looking at my cell and not texting or calling anyone. I want to call Heidi. I want to drive up to Oregon to get her. That would end badly. I want to call Lynn. I want to drive to Los Gatos to get her. That would end badly. I want someone to want me. Phone, ring, dammit.

I recently turned 35. There are crow's feet around my eyes. Sadly, more frown lines than laugh lines. That says more than I want to admit. I'm getting old. Some guys age gracefully. I don't think I will. Sean Connery is 80 and is hot. How does that happen?

Fuck. I'm tired of hurting. I was once happy. I was once loved. There's no light at the end of the tunnel.

Is this it? Is it over? 3 fucking weeks. That's all. But they were beyond belief.

So I open a really good bottle of Merlot. And drink it all. Put one some jazz. Check gmail again - no one's sending anything. Read the blogs over again. Fade into oblivion.

God, I would give anything for one of Mina's Kobe beef cheeseburgers right now. Fries done in rendered duck fat. Too late - he's closed.

I wonder what Sarah is up to. She was a wonderful person. I google her. No new pages.

Seattle is 461 miles father than Ashland from here.

I am so tired of being sad. And I know you're tired of reading me whine.

I have gained almost 15 pounds in the last six months. Yeah, in a weird way, that's an accomplishment. You can't control your body. Not much, anyway. It is what it is.

I wonder what's next.

It can't be worse than pondering what I have lost.

Thanks for reading. I'll be cheerful next time.