Can't eat, Can't sleep

I’ve been trying not to just drown my sorrows, and I've been somewhat successful. Funny thing is that when I get up in the morning, even if I haven’t been drinking, I still feel like I have a hangover. It’s like the hangover is not a result of the alcohol, but from the lack of quality sleep.

I sleep 2 or 3 hours a night. Toss and turn for a couple of hours. I take brisk walks through the neighborhood, which relives some of the stress and gives me time to think. I also am doing a lot more paddling – solo. I know that is dangerous – but the best time to go is before work. I'm not going to find a paddle buddy who wants to get up at 4 something in the morning. I rarely sleep past 5:00. So I can get in a good 90 minute paddle, come home and shower and still make it to work before anyone else. Also, I’ve been throwing myself into my work. Pulling pretty long hours. Once I get into the zone, I can concentrate on work and not think about Lynn.

This heartache is like a cancer. It's eating away at my soul. It's turning me into a jerk - I'm cranky nasty - I snap at everyone. It's sucking the joy from my life and everything that I do. I want this to be over.
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